I am a Crab

I am a crab, I am a shaker of babies, a burster of bubbles, I am a bag-eyed hooded nark, I am an affirmative nihilist creeping dog, a godless commie scum, I am a ticker of boxes, I am a senseless clapjawed jackdaw, I am a silent standing statuette among the sparrows, I am a kicker of sandcastles, a vindictive deity of petty conversations, I am a bad chariot driver, I am a hollow-eyed slave of semantics, I am a skinny shivering servant to routine, a tardy tucker-in of t-shirts, I am a headphone-wearing hovering jackdaw slackjaw nag, knackered old notary's valet, I am a pest, a jackdaw. I am a creeping, complaining, coercing, concealing, confounded, corrupted, co-opted, castrated, confessed...
...crab.